She-va

Shruti wiped away a silent tear. Though it was the beginning of the day, her crisp, cotton suit was limp and she felt totally drained. The report from the clinic was negative, that meant that the child she had conceived was female. She knew the outcome. Her husband, Anand, would go into one of his rages, rave and rant, and then insist that the child be aborted. This was the second time it had happened and she had had enough. Her health was suffering from the constant tension and stress. Tanvi and Mani, her two daughters were being neglected by her as she had no energy for anything. Tanvi, in class two, needed to have her homework supervised, her grades had been falling. Mani, at the age of four, was in her own private hell. At that tender age, she carried the burden of knowing that she was unwanted and unloved in her own home by her father and grandmother.

Shruti’s heart went out to the little one. How could anyone not want a daughter? Had they ever seen the way Mani’s eyes would light up when she saw her mother? Had Anand noticed her endearing rabbit-toothed grin or the way she would run and cling to her mother’s legs? Or her interesting observations “Mummy, didi is older than me, but her birthday is in March, I am younger, but my birthday is in January. Why is that so?”

How had things come to this, Shruti wondered. Her marriage, which had been arranged by two sets of parents, had been considered good in the eyes of the world. Her in-laws had been affluent and well-known in their community. Her husband had been reasonably caring towards her. Of course, her mother-in-law, a domineering lady, would have her say in all matters but it had not been too bad. If Shruti’s parents found her less cheerful and her charming smile less frequent, it was put down to adjusting in a joint family and the responsibility of running a household.

The birth of Tanvi was celebrated by the whole family, but when Mani was born, Anand, instigated by Maji became a changed person. “I want a son” he thundered as he glared at Shruti’s cowering figure. Was he even aware that the gender of the child depended on the sperm and not the ova? How could Shruti be held responsible for something not in her control? She felt that her status was that of a child bearing apparatus. She wanted to scream out “Look at me, see me as the person that I am.”

Adoption was not an option. “No, no” screeched Maji “who knows what blood runs in the child’s veins, who are the parents or what are his family sanskars are”. What was the need for a male child? It was only the insecurities in men that wanted a son to carry on the family name. After one generation nobody cared about anybody. And if the son turned out to be “nalayak”, then anyway the family pride and honour was trampled in dust.

Anand, in his stubborn obstinacy found out a gynaecologist of questionable repute and a dubious set up which had an ultrasound apparatus. A year ago, one female child had been forcibly aborted and now it was the time for the second.

Shruti squared her shoulders and wiped away her tears. There was a cauldron of emotion simmering within her anger, rage, resentment, bitterness but above all a deep sense of betrayal and hurt. She had reached the end of her tether and she knew what she had to do. She was not going to be a part of foeticide in future and she would see to it that a father who could not value his daughters would not be rewarded with the son he craved for. 

The next day she called up the doctor. “My husband must have told you that I will be coming for an abortion tomorrow” she said. “Yes madam” was the reply. “I want to meet you before that, I am coming over” she said.

On the pretext of going to the market for some urgent stationery for Tanvi’s project, she went to the clinic. “When my husband signs the consent form, please put in a clause that you will do a sterilization procedure. Please see that he doesn’t notice it and along with the abortion, please tie the tubes so that there are no more pregnancies in future”, she said. The doctor gasped in shock. “Madam, that is against the law” he said in fearful tones. Shruti eyed him coldly. “I know how much you follow the law. A word from me can start an investigation into your activities. That will end your lucrative business. You will be blacklisted, your reputation ruined and you will be on the street”. “Madam, there will be a charge” he said ingratiatingly. She took off her diamond pendant, a gift from her parents, and handed it over, “This should take care of expenses”.  Saying this, she turned her back and went home.

In Hindu mythology, it is said that if the feminine intonation is removed from the name of Lord Shiva, what remains is ‘shava’ a corpse. That is, never make the mistake of underestimating the power of the Indian woman.